What a Girl Wants
by Kuroi-Neko
Summary: You thought Mel Gibson was funny when he was able to read womens minds? Try Chang Wufei in that position! Please R
1. Default Chapter

A/N: I got this funky idea after a weird thought. Mel Gibon( In the movie " What women want" ) and Wufei Chang are alot alike. SO, I decided to  
make this little fic...  
  
Story Title: What A Girl Wants   
  
Chapter 1 *Heero's Mysterious Secret*  
  
The day had started and a 16 year old Chinese teen boy was sleeping lazily in his bed. The sun shone upon his eyes to try and get him to wake,  
but he was so tired that his teen instincts to sleep in and be lazy easily overpowered him, until a cheery voice boomed through the air.  
  
"Hey Wu-man! Time to get up! Rise and shine!" said the cheery voice.  
  
A boy the same age as the chinese sleeping beauty, with the exception of him being an american-japanese. The Chinese teen rolled over and   
smothered his face under a pillow, trying to ignore the loud shinigami.  
  
" Ah common Wufei. It's 10:00. We need to go down town and meet up with Heero. He needs to talk to us about something" said the braided boy,  
begging in the most annoying voice imaginable.  
  
"Damnit Maxwell. If I can't sleep it's cause your always here bugging me. If I can't eat, it's cause you ate everything! If I can't use the   
bathroom, it's because your in it fixing your hair! Why must you torment me with your stupidities!?" yelled the former gundam pilot.  
  
Duo shuddered slightly,' Man. Who'd a thought seeing a grumpy chinese boy would make Freddy Couger seem like a pussy cat'  
  
Wufei clentched his fist on his pillow and launched it through the air, whacking the braided annoyance in the face.  
  
"You didn't come here just to insult me! What did Heero say he want?" Wufei asked demandingly.  
  
Duo growled as he threw back the pillow,' He didn't say! He just called like 5 minutes ago saying that he wanted me and you to meet him down at  
the city square'  
  
"What about Trowa and Quatre? Did Yuy request their audience aswell?" asked the chinese boy as he set aside the pillow.  
  
The braided boy shrugged,' Hey, beats me. Heero said that they were busy...and don't get any funny thoughts. Quatre's probably fixated in his  
bussiness, funds and stuff like that, while our circus buddy is probably busy placing his head in lions mouths...so it's just me and you'  
  
Duo smiled happily like any happy-go-lucky would. Wufei sighed,' Oi, Buddah...Doshite Watashi?'  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
" So where did Heero's say he was going to meet us?" asked Wufei as he walked down the streets of the city with his hands in his pockets.  
Duo walked beside him as other fellow pedestrians walked by.   
  
" Hey, he just said to meet him in the city square. He didn't say if he was going to be at a pizza parlor, music store, or porn shop" Duo  
replied bluntly.  
  
Wufei growled,' Maxwell, I don't know how your head can carry such naive thoughts...honestly, why would Yuy be browsing in a porn shop...'  
  
Suddenly the chestnut haired boy stopped and placed an arm out to stop his fellow former gundam pilot aswell. " What now Maxwell?" He said   
angrily, looking at the american. Duo just stared infront of himself.  
  
" Yea, your right Wu-man...Heero would much rather walk out of a woman's store..." replied Duo as he looked at Wufei then at   
what looked like Heero walking out of a small woman's department store.  
  
"Well...I'll be damned. I thought he'd be the last one to go insane..." said Wufei in shock as he kept his eyes on the japanese boy who   
was now walking down a farther away street and in the opposite direction.   
  
Duo scratched his head,' Well who was the one you thought would go crazy first?'  
  
Wufei rolled his eyes,' Isn't it obvious?' he then started jogging over to the other street to meet up with Heero while the braided   
wonder stood there thinking,' Isn't what obvious?' He then quickly ran up beside Wufei who was waving his arms around to get Heero's attention.  
  
The brown haired ex-gundam pilot looked over his shoulder and saw his fellow ex-pilots running toward him from the other side of the  
street.   
  
" Wufei...Duo..." he said to himself. Finally the other two teen pilots caught up with the wing pilot. Wufei crossed his arms as he glared  
at a heavily panting Duo Maxwell,' Phew...just, give me...one...m-minute...gah...'  
  
" It's about time the both of you show'd up. I almost left when you were a few minutes late" implied Heero as he continued walking down the  
street holding a bag under his arm. Wufei walked beside him curiously while Duo was left behind, as usual.  
  
" Huh? OI!! CHOTTO!!!" Duo yelled as he ran to catch up with the other two.  
  
" So whats with the bag Yuy? Is it Releena's Birthday?" asked the chinese man as he eyed Heero suspiciously.  
  
Heero hm'ed as usual when he wasn't amused with a question toward him. " Actually, Releena IS the reason I have all this stuff. Thats what  
I wanted to talk to the both of you about" he said as he kept his straight poker face on as he walked down the streets of Japan.  
  
" Well why don't we find somewhere to sit and talk?" Wufei asked.  
  
Heero nodded as the trio walked down the streets while Duo kept talking about lemons and how sour they were. " Baka, what does lemons have  
to do with what we're talking about?" barked Wufei annoyingly.  
  
Duo placed a questioning finger to his lip,' Actually, I have no clue. I guess I just wanted to talk about lemons cause I felt like it?'  
  
Wufei clentched his fist as a vein soon started to appear on his forehead,' Yuy, I suggest we find somewhere to sit before I make a table  
out of Maxwell's bones and skin...'  
  
" Eww...You know Wu-man you have weird fantasies" Stated Duo idiotically.  
  
"MAXWELL!!!!!" Wufei yelled for the whole world to hear. As his chinese voice boomed through the air, it was as if time had stopped on the  
streets they were walking on. Everyone stopped dead and placed their eyes upon the ex-shenlong pilot. Wufei placed on a rather embarassed  
and stupid look on his red face. He then grabbed Duo's jacket collar and began dragging his down the street,' Yuy...common...'  
  
Heero narrowed his eyes and Hm'ed as he usually does when he's not sure about what to do in a crisis as this.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The 3 ex-pilots all sat down on a small patio table just beside a food stand. Heero placed his bag down on the table and took one object  
out. No doubt at all, it was his labtop, but there was something else inside that bag that poked at Duo's mind. Why would Heero go into a  
woman's store?  
  
" So whats the deal Yuy? Why'd you call us?" Wufei asked as he crossed his arms and sat back in his chair.  
  
" The reason I called the both of you hear is to tell you something about my new job..." he said with a slight hint of regret.  
  
Duo scratched his head,' You mean the one Releena gave you? At the sports studio? Where they make commericials for sports names?'  
  
"Hm" said Heero with a serious nod. Wufei placed a hand under his chin in curiosity,' Whats wrong? It's good money isn't it?'  
  
" The money is fine. It's what I have to do that isn't..." Heero replied sheepishly.  
  
The long haired gundam pilot placed his hazy and curious gaze back onto that bag that was sitting ifront of Heero. The thought of what  
it might be just killed him. What could possibly drive Heero Yuy, the perfect soldier, to shop in a lady's department store?  
  
" What could possibly be the problem?" Wufei asked.  
  
Heero sighed,' You know the new campaign that argues against women being physicians and doctors? And that they should stay as nurses?'  
  
"Heh yea? I'm 100% with that campaign. Women are useless. They should never be in charge of something as big as being a doctor or surgeon!  
They should be nurses, on the right hand side of a man" said Wufei, his tone full of pride.  
  
" Yeah well Releena doesn't seem to thrilled with that idea. She sent her best public speaker to lead a group of 162 women to protest against  
it. Then she got this idea for all her male co-workers at work..." said Heero placing his hand on the bag that said * Onna * on the front in  
big fancy letters, which, might I add, Duo was still eyeing curiously not paying attention to the conversation at hand.  
  
" What could that be?" Wufei asked feeling somewhat afraid to know. He knew that Releena was a physco from the start, but he wasn't sure   
what kinds of ideas ran through her evil mind.  
  
Heero cleared his throat as his face went slightly red. The bag was completely unsecure leaving it perfectly exposed for anyone to snatch.  
Anyone who was curious enough and would die to see what was in it. Namely, Shinigami.  
  
" It's..." started Heero. Suddenly Duo dove for the bag and grasped it between his hands. Heero growled in anger. The braided teen then  
opened the bag, drove his hand to the bottom and pulled out something he thought he would never lay his hands on.  
  
" Ah...?...Heero, you wanna explain yourself?" said the violet eyed ex-pilot. Wufei cringed at the sight. Heero was into that kind of stuff?  
Where was his dignity? He was a man!!!! Not some woman, or crossdresser!...or was he?  
  
Duo continued standing there, holding women's Lageray --( I dont know how to spell that word. You get the idea though right? Women's pyjamas?  
Those silky ones or those...sometimes erotic ones? lol)  
  
Heero flushed red with embarassment and anger. His teeth were were clentched tightly and his fists rattled upon the surface of the table.  
Wufei cocked an eyebrow as he looked at Heero Yuy in wonder,' Yuy, I never knew this weak side of you existed. I hope you know that I   
think differently of you now that th-' " DAMNIT DUO!" Heero yelled as he slammed his fist on the table.  
  
Shinigami nervously placed the garment back in the bag where it belonged. He then slid it on the table back to its original spot while  
Heero shook with anger. The braided teen then sat back down in his chair, looked down at his lap and twiddled his thumbs. Just like a kid.  
He then conjured up whatever decency he had and spoke,' Ahem...mmm...Gomen Nasai?'  
  
" Hm..." said Heero as the red started to dissappear from his face. He then calmly sat back down in his chair and resumed his calm and   
serious nature. Wufei just sat there somewhat confused.   
  
" Why didn't you kill the kisama...if I were you, Maxwell would be dead by now" Wufei said shifting his eyes at Shinigami.  
  
Heero snorted,' Hmph. I don't have time to chase that baka. Like I said previously, before I was interupted, Releena wants all her male  
co-workers to try her idea...'  
  
" Which would be?" asked Wufei wih crossed arms. Duo continued looking down at his lap in shame while still twiddling his thumbs.  
  
" She wants each of us to go shop for women's merchandise and try them out. Shavers,pantyhose,makeup,perfume,jewlery...the works"  
said Heero with every bit of courage he could get.  
  
Wufei's upper lip quivered in shock,' Your not actually going to go through with it...are you?'  
  
The Ex-wing pilot sat silently with a bit of red returning to his cheeks. Wufei jumped in horror,' YOUR ACTUALLY GOING TO GO THROUGH  
WITH IT???!!!'  
  
" If I don't do it, Releena will know! She says if we don't feel more sensitive about the roles of women, then she'll know that we didn't   
complete our miss-I mean task!" Heero hissed back.  
  
The disgusted chinese man rubbed his face and shook his head,' I cannot believe you Yuy. Your placing your pride and dignity on one task!  
Your a man, not a woman! All men should look like men!'  
  
Suddenly Heero looked at the shamefull Duo. Wufei looked at Shinigami aswell, in a curious way. He then flattened his eyebrows,' Except THAT  
poor excuse of a man right there...'  
  
" Listen. Would it be alright if you dropped by my appartment tonight? I don't think I'll be able to do this alone..." said Heero shyly.  
  
Wufei made an X with his arms, ' There's no way in Oblivion that I'm putting that Onna stuff on! I refuse to do anything that has to do with  
those weak creatures!'  
  
" You don't have to put anything on, I just need support..." Heero replied.  
  
Duo looked up, still feeling somewhat of an ass,' I'll go, if you don't mind'  
  
Wufei looked over to Duo who had a bit of red in his cheeks too,' Hm. Since this moron is going, I guess I have no choice...'  
  
Heero cocked an eyebrow in wonder. What made him change his mind all of a sudden?  
  
" What do you mean?" Heero asked.  
  
" Well, isn't it obvious? One of you is going to crossdress to look like a woman, and one of you already looks like one. I'm the only one who's  
the real man here and it's my duty to make sure that whatever manly sense you have left in both of you is still active!" said Nataku's old master.  
  
" WOULD YOU STOP CALLING ME A WOMAN??!! I"M A MAN!!!" Duo shouted loudly.  
  
Wufei smirked,' Coulda fooled me...'  
  
  
*********************************************  
  
A/N: Please review and tell me whether I should continue this fic or not...pretty please? heh heh...hehhehehehe It'll get better and funnier!  
I promise! 


	2. Chapter 2:Heero asks for a Favor

A/N:I wanna thank Shella,AngelofDeath,Fox-Spriit aka Y.V,Emerald Sentinel, and Tiran for taking the time to read my story! Thats 5 reviews   
so I got the next chapter up! I hope you like it cause it's going to get better! hehehe  
  
Chapter 2 * Heero asks for a Favor*  
  
  
" Hmmm, womens silky panty hose...perfume...uh...push-up bra?...shavers...make-up. Yuy, you have everything in this bag" said Wufei as he   
rummaged through Heero's girl stuff. Usually that was Duo's habit.  
  
" I know. Releena gave me a list of what I should buy in order to feel exactly like a woman. I felt somewhat embarassed to get some of the   
items so my shopping isn't complete" replied the ex-wing pilot.  
  
Suddenly Duo walked into the room holding a small blue like box in his hand. He seemed somewhat confused by it, ' Hey Heero, can you tell me  
what the hell this is?'  
  
Wufei and Heero both turned their heads and saw the braided shinigami holding the female object in his hand, not knowing what it was for.   
Wufei's lip twitched, feeling embarassed for him while Heero felt like a complete moron.  
  
" Ah, Duo. Just put that aside...I really don't know what Releena wants me to do with that. Thats the only thing I know that men can't utilise"  
said Heero as he cleared his throat.  
  
" Another item that was on your list?" asked Wufei.  
  
Heero stayed silent looking as if he ignored the question. He felt stupid enough and didn't need anymore harm done to his pride. Duo continued  
looking at the small rectangular box in wonder. Just what in God's name did women do with its contents?  
  
" Oh I forgot to inform you guys, I thought maybe we should get an expert on females so I invited your friend Hilde over..." said Heero looking  
at a curious Duo.  
  
Shinigami was too preoccupied with the box that he had lost his hearing for the time being. The blue eyed pilot sighed and walked over to where  
Wufei was.  
  
" You think you can help me put all this stuff in the bathroom?" he asked his chinese friend.  
  
" Yea sure. Just aslong as you don't try forcing any of this stuff on me" Wufei replied as he grabbed arm fulls of the women's merchandise.  
Heero took some stuff in his arms aswell and followed Wufei toward the bathroom. They passed by Duo who continued to read the instructions on  
the side of the box. He still tried to figure out how to get the contents out.  
  
"Maxwell, with the size of your brain, you'll never figure it out, so don't bother" said Wufei as he walked by with Heero. The braided teen  
stuck out his tounge and then continued looking at the object, hoping he'd solve the mystery.   
  
Soon enough, pilots 1 and 5 were in the bathroom. When Wufei walked in, he felt as if he was going to be sick. The bathroom looked as if it  
was one from a girls sirority house. There was a curling iron here a blow dryer there. It was crazy!  
  
" H-heero?" Wufei studdered.  
  
The short brown haired pilot placed his female belongings down onto the counter. He then turned and looked at his shocked chinese friend,' Just  
place them down on the counter. I'll fix everything up after...'  
  
Wufei shook his head to clear his mind. He then nodded and placed the girly stuff down. He was glad to get the horrible female stuff out from  
his arms. Before the 2 left to go back to the living room, Wufei stopped his fellow ex-pilot.  
  
" Hey Heero, tell me something..." he said curiously.  
  
The once perfect soldier turned around in wonder,' What is it?'  
  
There was a moments pause before Wufei replied. He felt somewhat odd asking this question, but he had to know.  
  
" I just want to know. You don't have to answer but it'd be great if you were honest. But are you-"  
  
" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" yelled a woman's voice.  
  
Heero and Wufei both cranned their necks over the side of the wall to see what all the comotion was about. Hilde was in the room with a nervous  
looking Duo Maxwell.   
  
" What's going on?!" Wufei growled as he stepped out from behind the wall.   
  
" It's not my fault Wu-man! I didn't know what I was playing with!" said Duo nervously.  
  
Heero stood diagonally from Wufei wondering what was going on. He saw Hilde with her arms crossed holding something between the tips of her  
fingers. She didn't seem to happy with what happened.  
  
" Calm down Maxwell! It's bad enough I can't understand half the things you say when your half sane! Now take a breath and explain from the  
start!" begged Wufei as he tried calming down an embarassed Shinigami.  
  
" I'll tell you whats wrong! Duo has no sense of dignity! Thats whats wrong!" yelled Hilde as she whipped out the mysterious box Duo was   
previously holding.   
  
Duo winced and hid his face behind his hands,' Hey man! I had no clue! I seriously didn't know!'  
  
Wufei smirked as he realised what was going on. On the other hand Heero started to feel red glow in his cheeks again. How was he going to  
explain this to her?  
  
" Well well well. Looks like death has been scolded. You've been told by the weaker sex, Maxwell" said Wufei coldly.  
  
" Weaker sex?! Let me tell you something BUDDY!", said Hilde as she walked up to Wufei and poked him in the chest with the box. Wufei's  
eyebrows twitched nervously as she continued this action,' If there's any weaker sex, it's males! I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU IDIOTS ARE TRYING  
TO PROVE BY HAVING THESE PRIVATE FEMALE THINGS IN THIS APPARTMENT?! This is nothing to joke about! 6 days of cramps isn't that much fun you  
know!'  
  
She then threw the box. It then landed smack dab infont of Heero's feet. Hilde then continued her lecture.  
  
" And what do YOU have to say for this? Mr.Yuy? HMMMM?????????????????" she asked demandingly.  
  
Heero looked down at the box. Staring back at him in BIG BOLD WHITE LETTERS was the word " Tampons"   
  
" I swear on my gundam's life, I can explain!" he said swallowing hard.  
  
Hilde growled as she stomped up to the ex-wing pilot. She then grabbed a piece of his shirt and clentched it real tight.  
  
" Yea? You better have a good explanation here! OR ELSE I'M LEAVING!!!!!!!" she yelled angrily.  
  
Heero winced as he was being scolded at by this woman. Wufei couldn't believe that Heero was taking this kind of crap from her.   
  
" Err...would you let go of my shirt..." Heero asked softly.  
  
Hilde cocked an eyebrow. By looking at Heero's expression, he looked somewhat threatened.  
  
" Fine...now tell me the real reason WHY you called me here" she asked, with her hands resting on her hips.  
  
The blue eyed, japanese teen fixed his shirt and felt a sense of relief now that she had let go. He then opened his mouth to tell her his   
reason when suddenly death intervined.  
  
" Heero wants you to teach him how to become a woman" said Duo seriously.  
  
There was a second or two of silence. Hilde's jaw must have dropped atleast 12 feet and her eyes could've passed for golf balls. Wufei was  
angrily disappointed. His arms were crossed and a vein started to show up just above his left eyebrow. He couldn't believe what was going on  
here.  
  
" Whoa, woah, wait a sec. So Heero, you want me to teach you how to become a woman? Is that right?" Hilde asked, making sure she heard Duo   
correctly.  
  
Heero cleared his throat and a bit of red started to return to his cheeks,' Well not exactly. You see, you know the campagin against women?'  
  
Hilde nodded angrily,' Yea! It's bullshit! I think women are highly capable for being doctors and sergeons! Men these days are so sexist!'  
  
Heero cleared his throat again and continued,' Well, Releena came up with this idea for all the males, because of this campaign. She wants  
all the guys to become a woman for just a day. To know a woman's hardships. And, well to tell you the truth, I'm no good at pretending I'm a  
woman...'  
  
Hilde kept her left fist on her hip while she rubbed her chin with her right,' Hmm. I see. So you have to be a woman for a day. How lovely.  
Imagine. The perfect soldier pretending to be a woman. It's definetely priceless. Oh by the way, is Releena doing anything about the campaign?'  
  
"Um yea. She sent out her best public speaker and a bunch of women to protest against it. You know her?" Heero asked.  
  
Hilde smirked,' Yea! Meiran! Wow, with a public speaker like her, we'll definetely win this campaign!'  
  
" She's a woman. No woman can win over men. It's our role to always be on top. Women are always second. Even if women protest for their stupid  
rights, us men will still disagree for women to have that profession" said Wufei pridefully.  
  
Hilde growled,' Oh yea? We'll see about that.', she then turned to Heero,' Alright Heero. We'll start tomorrow ok? I'll come by real early and   
I'll teach ya everything I know about being a woman'  
  
The ex-wing pilot nodded shyly,' Arigato. You don't know what this means to me'  
  
Hilde winked at him as she neared the apartment door,' Yea, no prob'  
  
Before the short haired woman left, Heero stopped her,' Oh and Hilde. If you mention this to anyone. I'll kill you...'  
  
Hilde smirked as she waved her hand,' Yea yea... I know I know...'  
  
  
*****************************  
  
A/N: hehehe wait till the next chapter. Thats where things start getting better! 


	3. Chapter 3:Wufei's Curiosity

A/N: Ou!! This is the chapter that makes the rest of the story! Muahahahahahaha! I love putting the gundam pilots in funny situations!  
  
Chapter 3 *Wufei's Curiosity*  
  
"Err...can't sleep." said Wufei as he hugged his pillow tightly.   
  
Duo was sleeping beside him with his arms and legs all over the place. Heero had asked Duo and Wufei if they could spend the night.   
The Wing pilot wasn't to secure having all that women's stuff in his apartment, feeling as if they would stand up on their own and   
attack him. The Chinese man growled as he felt Duo's leg poke him in the back. He wasn't sure if it was Duo's constant poking, or   
just curiosity that was annoying him.  
  
"Must...er...sleep...er...also...er...must...er...kill...ek...Duo...gah...for...umph...keeping me...ouf...up all...mmm...night" he said  
as he pushed back at Duo with his elbow.  
  
He then growled and closed his eyes tightly trying to get to sleep. It was no use. There was absolutely no point in trying to sleep.   
Maybe that's why he was so grumpy all the time. Because Duo was always bugging him. They did, after all, share an appartment. Slowly   
the chinese man sat up and looked at Duo annoyingly. Duo was now kicking him in the side. From Wufei's P.O.V it looked as if Duo was an   
octapuss. The way his limbs were all over the place. His braid even looked like an extra arm. His shirt was half way up his torso and   
his mouth was wide open for the world to see his tonsils.  
  
" Why. Why can I never kill you, you braided fool" he whispered coldly with an attempt to pull off the Yuy glare of death.  
  
Not being able to go back to sleep, the ex-gundam pilot decided to get a glass of milk from the fridge and probably just look out at  
the city. Maybe then he'd feel drowsy and fall asleep. He got up in his checkered patterened pyjamas and started walking toward the  
kitchen. Heero was soundly sleeping in his room. Wufei kept telling himself that it was injustice that Heero was able to sleep in a soft  
cozy bed while he had to sleep with snoring beauty.  
  
His footsteps were heard patting against the floor in the small apartment as he walked over to the fridge. He opened it not caring wether  
he woke the whole house hold. He peeked inside and looked to see if there was any milk.   
  
" Hmmm,clamato juice,blah...beer? Hmmm. Maybe next time. Ah milk." he said happily as he grabbed the carton out from the fridge.   
  
He then poped it open and began to drink right out of it. Just like a typical man! He then ripped the carton from his lips and wiped the   
milk off from his upper lip, satisfyingly.  
  
Wufei then placed the milk carton back into the fridge and looked around. The apartment was pretty dark. But it was anything but quiet.  
Duo's snoring roared throughout the house, it was amazing how Heero could even sleep through it. As Wufei just stood there, he wasn't   
sure if looking out at the city would satisfy him. It was more curiosity that he wanted to satisfy.  
  
" Hmmm, how could women use those things?" he thought to himself, thinking about the stuff Heero bough earlier.   
  
Realising that he was even thinking about the weak creatures in the first place, he slapped himself.  
  
" Get a grip of yourself Wufei! Don't even think about it. Your a man! Not some Duo wanna-be weakling." he said angrily.  
  
Soon enough, his eyes were looking toward the bathroom door, suspiciously and curiously.  
  
"...Ah. I just need to go to the bathroom. It's not curiosity, It's nature calling" he assured himself as he tiptoed to the bathroom   
filled with female mysteries.   
  
He opened the bathroom door just a bit and peeked in. It was dark and quiet. No one was in sight. He then slithered his hand against   
the wall and searched for a light switch. When his fingers finally touched one, he flicked it on. The light flew and bounced off the   
bathroom walls. The lights around the mirror shone so brightly you'd swear a piece of the sun was in Heero's bathroom. As Wufei's   
eyes wandered around the bathroom, he saw the female objects lying on the counter.   
  
" No Wufei. You came here to piss, not snoop. " he told himself as he walked inside and locked the door behind him.   
  
He lifted up the toilet seat and yanked his pants down just a bit for his buddy to do its buissness. Slowly, Wufei turned his head and   
looked curiously at the curling irons, make-up and the other strange stuff.   
  
" Man. I can't get my mind off it. I'm so damn curious to what the hell that stuff is used for," Wufei lowered his eyebrows in wonder,  
' errmmmmm...damnit. Why do I let curiosity get the best of me. I guess it couldn't hurt to just look for a bit'  
  
The Ex-Shenlong pilot pulled up his pants without taking his eyes off the women's merchendise. He scooted over and picked up a tube of  
lipstick. He placed it so close to his face that his eyes seemed crossed.  
  
" Hm. This must be the crap women use on their lips. To change the colour" he said taking the lid off.   
  
He looked into the tube and saw that the lipstick itself was inside the tube.  
  
" Now how do you get this stuff to come out?" he asked himself curiously, eyeing the tube.  
  
Without a clue to what he was doing, he turned the bottom of the tube and the lipstick started to rise. A look of interest and surprise  
was present on his chinese face.  
  
" Ouuu, snazy..." he said placing it down without putting it away properly. Lying in a circular like bin were these small balls that   
were bathoils. Wufei saw these instantly and begun to sniff at each colour.  
  
" *sniff* *sniff*...Cherry,peach...mmm even raspberry. Well I might aswell" he said as he grabbed all kinds of assortments of bathoils   
and plopped them into the empty tub.   
  
Wufei then turned the tap on and the water began rushing out anf into the baby blue tub. While the tub was filling up, the curious   
chinese pilot decided to do futher examination. Maybe this female stuff wasn't so bad.  
  
He picked up the lipstick once again and took a sniff at it. He looked curiously in the mirror and saw his reflection holding the womenly  
object.  
  
" What in hell's name am I doing?" he said in thought.   
  
But hus curiosity was so damn strong! It was begging him to try some things out. It couldn't hurt aslong as no one knew? right?   
  
Wufei snorted,' Damn right! And if any of you readers out there tell Heero, Duo or anyone else for that matter, you'll be dead before you  
can say Nataku!'  
  
Giving into his curiosity, Wufei started rubbing on the ruby red lipstick onto his lips. He was carefull not to make any smears.  
  
" Damn. How could women be so accurate. I'm having trouble just holding the damn thing" he said focusing hard at his reflection.   
  
When his lips shined like blood, he looked and snooped around the other womens stuff. He picked up a small plastic container that read,  
Eyeshadow. Shrugging his shoulders, Wufei did what it said. He took his index finger and rubbed it into the dusty like substance. It  
was a beautiful pink. Shiny and glittery. Looking into the mirror, Wufei closed one eye and tried to rub the eyeshadow on his eyelid  
and not anywhere else on his face. One lid was done, then finally two.  
  
Shenlong's (suposivley) Gynophobic ex-master gave his refelction a ridiculous smirk,' HAHAHAHA I look like an idiot. Hmm, I'll see what  
I can do to my hair'  
  
Wufei plugged in the curling iron hoping that it would do something but nothing happened. He scratched his chin then realised that it  
needed time to heat up first. In the meantime he decided to try on a piece of women's clothing.  
  
" Hmmm, hey. These silky pantyhose. Meh, why not" he said yanking his pants down. He grabbed the silky women's panty hose and began  
struggling to put it on. by the determined look on his face, he seemed to be having a hard time getting it on.  
  
" Er, damn...shit, pantyhose. I can't, argh, get the bastard, ouf, on! Huh?! ARGH!!!" he yelled as he lost his balance.  
  
The poor chinese man tripped backwards with his arms in the air. His left arm, catching the wire of the curling iron and dragging it  
along with him to where he fell. Wufei growled as he plunged into the bathwater. As soon as he hit it, he felt a sensation of shock  
running throughout his body. Through his fingerstips, his feet, his toes. Everywhere he felt this sensation. Was this the end of   
Chang Wufei? Or was this simply the beginning of something hysterical yet to come?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N: Meh heh heh. Burn you sexist bastard!!!! lol 


	4. Chapter 4: A Miracle? Or Jynxed?

A/N: THIS IS WHERE THE BEST PART STARTS!!! YES!!!! lol I'm even enjpying the story as I read over it for mistakes. I wanna thank all  
of you readers for those great reviews!!! ARIGATO!!!! I made this chapter longer than the previous ones! Just for you!  
  
Chapter 4: A Miracle? Or Jynxed?  
  
Sitting in a sophisticated room in a grey rolling chair sat none other than her royal pain in the ass Releena. Her long golden locks   
blowing across her face as the wind from the office building window blew around her office. Her hands were clasped together upon her   
crossed legs. She wore a blue like bussiness suit and looked as if she was a lawyer ready to defend her client in a nasty ass case.  
The blond girl hm'ed as she looked at her telepohone. She picked it up and simply pressed one button.  
  
" Hello. Releena speaking. I would like for you to send Meiran up here. I would like to speak with her for a moment so please relieve  
her of her duty at the present moment" she said calmly.   
  
Her secretary on the other line agreed and hung up. Releena placed the reciever down and clasped her hands together once again. Waiting  
for her best public speaker to show up infront of her. She had this new idea for a commercial that would help women win the campaign,   
but she needed a specific person to do the job. She already had a few people picked out, but she wanted Meiran's opinion aswell. To  
her, Meiran's advice meant the world.  
  
Soon there was a quick knock on the door.  
  
" Come in" Releena said anxiously, hoping she had arrived.  
  
The door slowly opened, reveiling a short yet cute Chinese girl. Her hands clasped together infront of herself representing herself  
beautifully infront of her boss.  
  
" Meiran. Please, come in" Her highness said calmly.  
  
Meiran walked in, closing the door gently behind her. She walked up to the front of her desk and waited there for further orders.  
  
" Ms. Meiran. Your probably wondering why I called you here. Well all that will be explained shortly, first I want you to tell me how   
the protest is going" Releena asked.  
  
The short Chinese girl smiled and bowed her head slightly,' The protest if going greatly. The city hall is getting reckless because of  
our protest. If things keep going this beautifully, we'll win for sure'  
  
Releena Dorlin closed her eyes and smirked happily,' Excellent. Thats just what I wanted to hear. Now, aside from that matter, I've   
been doing some hard thinking. I've decided to make a new commercial about this campaign. I've chosen a few males to do the role in  
my commercial, but I want your expert opinion on one specfic male'  
  
The blond opened a drawer and took out some pictures of the male co-workers she chose for the part in her commercial. She then handed  
them to Meiran who looked through them carefully. She knew each of them perfectly like the back of her hand.   
  
"Hmm. Heero Yuy? He may be one perfect for the role. But, if you don't mind, may I do some searching of my own?" Meiran asked as she   
placed the pictures back down on her boss's desk.   
  
Releena smirked evily,' As you wish. I have full confidence in your abilities Meiran. So don't disappoint me'  
  
Meiran bowed respectfully,' Don't worry Ms. Dorlin. I have ways of getting what you want. Tell me, have you ever heard of the name   
Catallonia?'  
  
*********************************************  
  
" Ehhh-ahhh-ouu-gawd...what in Buddah's name happened to me?" said a black haired Chinese man, stirring from a painfull sleep.  
  
He was laying down in a hospital bed wearing a white hospital gown. He felt bandages wrapped around his stomach, hands and feet and   
felt as if he had a hangover the size of Releena's- eh...Nevermind. You get the point.  
  
" Huh? Where am I?" he said as his vision started becomming clear again.   
  
Soon a blond haired boy and brown haired boy were at the side of his bed looking down at him in wonder.  
  
" Wufei. Your awake. Tell me, how do you feel?" the blond haired boy asked.   
  
His face seemed kind, yet it had a sense of worry and concern. Wufei shook his head to clear his mind. He then realised who was talking  
to him,  
  
'Quatre...Trowa! Hey, where's Duo and Heero?'  
  
The two figures now known as Trowa and Quatre were relieved to see that their companion was ok. Quatre smiled.  
  
" Heero's at work and Duo's pacing in the hallway infront of the door. He's acting like a nervous husband would, waiting to hear if   
he's a father or not" said Quatre in a small chuckle.  
  
Wufei growled,' Very funny...err...what happened to me? Why am I all bandaged up?'  
  
Trowa closed his eyes and walked over to a wall in the room. Leaning up against it hoping that Quatre would explain. The blond ex-  
pilot looked away hoping that Wufei wouldn't ask again.  
  
" ? Well?" The chinese man asked again.  
  
The young teen Arabian sighed and looked at him with a fake smile,  
  
'Well. Eh, you see Heero found you yesterday morning in the bathtub. He also found um-a-um-curling iron in there with you'  
  
Wufei jumped 12 feet in the air.  
  
"KYAH! Don't say another word! I don't want to hear anymore of this nonsense" he said with slightly red cheeks.  
  
Quatre's lower lip twitched nervously.  
  
" Do you even remember what happened?" he asked.  
  
Trowa looked over curiously, wondering what the Chinese man would say.  
  
Wufei crossed his arms and looked away, embarassed.  
  
" No idea what-so-ever. But don't tell me. I don't want to know" he said making up a drastic lie.  
  
Quatre nodded.  
  
" Alright. It's your call. Oh, and the nurse said that you can go home today if your feeling better." Quatre Replied  
  
Wufei cocked an eyebrow in wonder,  
  
' I thought there were no more women nurses and all that stuff cause of the campaign'  
  
Trowa decided to answer this time. He felt somewhat bad leaving all the talking to Quatre.  
  
'If the men win the campaign, then women will be suspended from their nursing careers. But during the protesting of the campaign,   
they're still allowed to do their jobs until the day of decision'  
  
" Hm. I see" replied Wifei  
  
Suddenly the room door ripped open with a huge bang. All three gundam pilots looked in the doorway in curiosity only to see a panting  
Duo Maxwell.  
  
Shinigami then slowed his breathing as his eyes began to fill with tears.  
  
" WU-MAN! YOUR ALIVE!!!!!!" he said running madly over to his bedside.  
  
Wufei looked at him in horror as he thundered over with open arms to give him a hug.  
  
" MAXWELL! You touch me with any part of you girly body, I'll kill you right now so help you God of Death!" Wufei sputtered as the   
braided teen stopped inches from him. He then smiled sheepishly.  
  
" Heh. Anyways! I'm glad your alive Wu-man. Phew, for a minute there when your body was fried, I thought for sure you were a Chinese  
buffet all you can eat meal!" he said sarcastically.  
  
Wufei looked at him annoyingly,  
  
' Thanks for the concern'  
  
Duo smiled and gave him the thumbs up,  
  
' No problemo!'  
  
As the 4 united gundam pilots were silent in the room, except for Duo who was blabing nonsense, the female nurse walked into the room,  
smiling at them sweetly.  
  
" Mr.Chang, if you'd like you can change and leave. But after you change, please go up to the front desk and sign out" she said with  
a sugary sweet smile.  
  
Wufei growled and looked away. The last thing he wanted to see right now was a woman.  
  
" Yea yea" he replied coldly.  
  
¤Yea yea. You fucking little Chink. Have a little respect!¤  
  
Wufei jumped out from the hospital bed and looked as if he was possesed by Satan himself. He pointed an agressive finger toward the  
woman, looking extremely angry at the nurse who was half way through the doorway.   
  
" I'll give you respect you little witch!!!" Wufei yelled angrily with fire in his eyes.  
  
The nurse turned around and looked at him curiously wondering what on earth he was talking about. Trowa,Quatre and Duo just looked at   
him as if he was crazy.  
  
" Excuse me sir. But I didn't even say anything" she said calmly  
  
The short tempered chinese man growled as he shook his fists. Duo backed away from him in fear.  
  
" Don't play games with me! I heard you loud and clear! You called me a-you- YOU KNOW WHAT YOU CALLED ME! I'm not going to repeat it!"  
he yelled with fury.  
  
Duo fell to the ground feeling as if there was an earthquake. Trowa and Quatre stood on the opposite of Wufei keeping a somewhat safe   
distance away from him.  
  
"O-oi Wu-man. I dunno what drugs the hospital has been putting you on, but...she never said anything" said the braided teen  
  
The black haired gundam pilot looked down at Duo still with anger yet with curiosity,  
  
'Are you sure you didn't hear her Maxwell? She said it loud and clear. So clear that I could've heard it from another country'  
  
The nurse smiled and bowed politely,  
  
' Mr. Chang. Your tired. It seems you need more time to recover. I'll leave and let you rest. If you need me, just use the buzzer'  
  
Wufei lowered his threatening finger and decided that maybe he was hearing things. He shamefully climbed back onto the hospital bed  
and angrily placed the blanket over him. His arms were crossed his eyes were closed and his nose was stuck in the air pridefully.  
He knew what he heard regardless of what anyone said.  
  
" Ja ne...Get well Mr.Chang" said the nurse as she closed the door slowly behind her.  
  
Duo, Trowa and Quatre stood on both sides of Wufei's bed watching the nurse depart.  
  
¤Get well my ass¤  
  
"HUH? SHE SAID IT AGAIN! I'M GONNA KILL THAT BITCH!!!" Wufei barked wildly.  
  
Ex-pilots 2,3,and 4 tried with all their strength to restrain the angry chinese man.  
  
" Wufei! She didn't say anything! Calm down!" Trowa argued angrily as he grabbed Wufei's arm.  
  
Quatre held one of his legs trying to stop the chinese man from killing the kind nurse that was just there moments ago,  
  
'Wufei! What's gotten into you!?'  
  
" Damn! Wu-man's been eating his vitamins! Er! If we ever get through this, we need to bring Wufei to a doctor!" said Duo as Wufei's  
arm smacked him in the nose.  
  
Trowa growled as Wufei kept swearing in his native tounge, trying to have a conversation over his loud voice,  
  
' And where the hell do you think we are?! We're in a hospital! There are hundreds of doctors here!'  
  
Duo winked as he grabbed hold of Wufei arm once again,  
  
' Nah. I mean a doctor that specializes in phsycology!'  
  
Trowa and Quatre looked at Duo curiosly. Even Wufei stopped moving around wildly wondering what Duo meant by that.  
  
Duo stood up and gave his fellow pilots the thumbs up,  
  
' Trust me...'  
  
  
************************************************   
  
A/N: What could possibly be going through Duo's mind? Hmm....I don't think it's safe to trust him...lol 


	5. Chapter 5: I can read women's thoughts!

A/N: Thanks for all those great reviews! Sorry this chappy took so long! If theres any spelling mistakes, I'm sure you know  
that I didn't mean to put them in! hehe   
  
  
Chapter 5: I can read women's thoughts?!  
  
  
  
  
" So, where are we taking him exactly?" said Trowa as he walked beside Duo and Quatre.  
  
Wufei was walking with earphones in his ears, listening to some kind of rock music. For once he was actually going to go through with  
one of Duo's ideas. It couldn't be THAT bad.....could it?  
  
" Well, back in the hospital while I was nervously waiting outside Wu-man's door, I saw a newspaper about the best phsycologist in  
town. I'm pretty sure she'd be able to help Wufei with whatever he's got" said Duo, winking at the usually silent boy.  
  
Soon the four of them went up some steps and entered a building. Wufei still had his earphones on. Pilots 2,3 and 4 looked around the   
building. It was so big and bussiness like. Duo then yanked at Wufei's shirt and tugged him over to the front desk follwed by Quatre  
and Wufei. Standing at the front desk was a small japanese woman filing her nails. Duo smirked.  
  
" Oi, Missy? You think you can help us out here?" he said trying to flirt with her.  
  
Trowa shook his head in disappointment, while Quatre slapped himself on the forehead. Wufei shrugged his shoulders wondering why. The  
tiny woman smiled back,  
  
'Yea sure. What do you need help in?'  
  
Duo opened his mouth to say something, but he was quickly whacked upside the head. He turned around angrily and saw Trowa glaring at   
him. He knew very well what Duo was going to suggest. Shinigami cowared back nervously and decided to let him do the rest of the   
talking.  
  
" Hello miss. We need to find-um...", he said digging into his pocket. He then pulled out a small piece of paper with the phsyciatrist's  
name on it,' Ah. Can you help us find Dorthy Catallonia'  
  
The tiny japanese woman gave them quick instructions and they soon went on their way. Wufei continued following them, oblivious to what   
he was about to go through. All four of them walked into an elevator and waiting patiently for the doors to open again. When they did,   
they walked down a quiet and eerie hall with 7 doors on each side.  
  
"Man, this place freaks me out" said Duo as he looked at each door.  
  
" Well. Just remember. We're here for Wufei" reminded Quatre.  
  
Soon the 4 came upon a door. On the front labelled in a golden plate was the name Catallonia.  
  
"Well. This is it..." said Trowa.  
  
Duo and Quatre nodded. They then slid down Wufei's earphones and looked at him seriously.  
  
" Alright Wufei. Just enter this door. When you come out, you'll be a new man" said the Arabian teen.  
  
The small chinese man crossed his arms and thought for a second,  
  
' If I go through with this and somehow if my pride is scarred for life, who shall I kill?'  
  
Trowa and Quatre smiled and pointed their nervous fingers at Duo who was outnumbered.  
  
"HEY!!!" he yelled sadly.  
  
Wufei nodded to himself as he made his decision. Even if he tried to back out now, it wouldn't matter. They would just force him to  
go in right?  
  
"Alright. I'm going in..." said Wufei as he opened the door.  
  
The door creaked open slowly and soon a room came into view. Wufei looked on in curiosity while Duo,Trowa, and Quatre looked cautiously  
from behind him.  
  
" Hm. Guess there's no one here" said Wufei shrugging his shoulders.  
  
Suddenly out of no where a long blond haired girl with forked eyebrows poped right in from of them as if it were from thin air.  
  
"AH! VICTU-I mean visitors! Well now, who is my patient? Hm? Anyone?" she said annoyingly.  
  
Pilots 2,3,and 4 felt as if they were going to die of heart attacks.  
  
"D-did you even see where she came from?" said Trowa breathing pretty hard.  
  
Quatre's mouth quivered in fear. He had a feeling that maybe this woman was a bad idea.  
  
"M-man...she just poped outta no where!" said Duo in fear.  
  
Wufei cocked an eyebrow, unimpressed at the way his fellow pilots were cowaring behind the door wall.  
  
"You guys are pathetic. She's just a woman" he said walking further into the room.   
  
The blond girl turned around happily,  
  
'Well, I'm guessing your my new-eh-ah patient. Well lets start shall we? First we need to be completely isolated! SO say bye bye to   
your friends!'  
  
with a quick flick of her elbow, she slammed the door right in pilots 2,3, and 4's face. The 3 of them stood ifnront of the door   
dumbfoundedly.  
  
"Uh...you think it was a good idea to leave Wufei with that chick?" asked Duo rubbing his nose slightly.  
  
Trowa sighed,  
  
' I dunno. If there's anyone who can handle women. It's Wufei'  
  
"So should we wait for him in the meantime. I mean, if we left he wouldn't know where we went off to" implied Quatre.  
  
Duo smirked,  
  
'Oh well. To bad for Wu-man. If he's smart he'll use his little chinese head and come up with something'  
  
Trowa and Quatre looked at eachother in wonder as Duo started walking away. They then decided that maybe waiting for Wufei wouldn't be  
for the best. The session might take to long.  
  
*************************************  
  
"So! Your name is Chang, Wufei and your 16 years of age. Lovely lovely. Well Mr.Chang, my name is Dorthy. Now if you don't mind, could   
you sit back in that chair and relax a bit. You can then tell me your problems..." said the long blond haired girl now revealed as   
Dorthy.  
  
She sat behind a fancy looking desk with a notepad and pen ready to jot down anything that came to his mind. Wufei growled. He hated   
taking orders from a woman, but maybe telling someone his problems isn't that bad of an idea. He decided to do what he was told and   
sat down in the long chair. He lied his head back and closed his eyes. Dorthy smiled evily as she pressed a button under her desk. It  
was a secret tape recorder that was going to record everything said in that room.  
  
"Alright Mr. Chang. What seems to be the problem?" she asked curiously.  
  
Wufei hm'ed his usual hm.   
  
" I don't have a problem. My so called friends thought I needed phsyciatric help so I decided to go along with it" he said rudely  
  
"I see" said Dorthy as she scribbled down some notes.  
  
Wufei sighed and placed his hands behind his head,  
  
' Yea. If there's anyone who needs help, it's the other guys. I'm perfectly sane'  
  
Dorthy's left eyebrow twitched in annoyance,  
  
¤Damn this guy is arrogant¤   
  
"Pfft. You think I give a shit if I'm arrogant? It's what makes me strong. Thats what spearates me from being a boy" the chinese man  
replied back.  
  
"NANI??? H-how what? I didn't say that! Pfft!" said Dorthy stickiing her nose up in the air with her arms crossed.  
  
Wufei cocked an eyebrow in curiosity and layed on his side,  
  
' Yea you did. You said * Damn this guy is arrogant* I heard you loud and clear'  
  
"GAH!!! Ekkkkk-b-b-b-b-but h-h-h-how??!!" she said in shock.  
  
Wufei gave a look of unamusment,  
  
'Look onna. If you wanna say something about someone, you shouldn't say it out loud for other people to hear you know what I mean? Hm.  
I should set you up with Duo...'  
  
"GRR!!! Alright...tell me what I'm saying now ok?" said Dorthy anxiously.  
  
Wufei sat up straight and looked on in curiosity.  
  
Dorthy then looked at him with every bit of concentration. Wufei then heard her voice in his head, yet her lips weren't moving.  
  
Whatever Dorthy said, really made Wufei jump,  
  
'Hey. Don't worry...I won't tell anyone!'  
  
Dorthy fell back,  
  
'AH! GAWD DAMNIT!!!'  
  
"Heh...I said I wouldn't tell anyone" he replied sheepishly.  
  
Dorthy got up and pointed her long skinny finger at him,  
  
' Do you know what your capable of Mr.Chang?'  
  
Wufei blinked a few curious times,  
  
'No...'  
  
The long blond haired girl growled and smacked him upside the head,  
  
'You can read women's mind you baka!'  
  
Wufei rubbed his head as it throbbed. He then stood up and barked back with his fists rattleing in anger,  
  
'YA! WELL IF YOU WANNA LIVE I HOPE YOUR ABLE TO READ MY MIND!-wait a minute, your saying I can READ women's minds?'  
  
Dorthy smiled,  
  
'Now your getting it...'  
  
Wufei stood quietly still. He then lost all colour he ever had in his face.  
  
********************************** 


End file.
